Negativity, Positivity, and Friendships: Where do you stand?

There are all sorts of relationships in this world. Social, friends, familial, romantic, school, work--the list goes on. 

Today we're going to look at friendships. For the sake of time, I've narrowed the field down to three basic types of friendships: Positive, Ambivalent, and Negative. I've created one scenario, where you speak light to a person and the response depends on the type of friendship.

Scenario 1:

You: "You look so cute today!" 

Friend A: "Ugh, no I don't. I look like trash."

Scenario 2:

You: "You look so cute today!"

Friend B: "Aww, thanks! It's a new shirt."

Scenario 3:

You: "You look so cute today!"

Friend C: "Thank you! OMG you look cute too! Selfie time!!"

So, which friend is which type?

It's not a trick question. Friend A is Negative; Friend B is Ambivalent; Friend C is Positive.

Friendships, just like all relationships, are about give and take. 

Friend A is only about taking. 

• They take and take and take from you until you can't give anymore--but rarely, if ever, give anything back. If they do, it's superficial. They leech the joy from your life. 
• When you go out, something is always wrong--the waiter, the food, the service, the movie, other people. 
• When you ask how they are, there's always a problem with something--their significant other, their kids, their job, their car, their commute. 
• When venting about their problems, nothing you could offer as a solution or a compromise will work for various reasons they create. 
• When you vent about your own problems, their advice is always negative. "Wow, what a jerk." "You should leave him/her." "Just cut them off, who cares?"

Friend B is about neither giving nor taking. There's no pull in either direction.

Friend C is about giving and taking. 

• They are about speaking back to you the positivity that you spoke to them. They engage with you. 
• When you go out, it's a time filled with laughter, even if the food took an hour or traffic was horrible. 
• When you ask them how they are, they're happy to share their joy with you, even if it was just that they completed a simple task that made them happy. 
• When they have a problem, they use you as a sounding board and appreciate your suggestions. 
• When you have a problem, they offer grace and positive advice.

It can be hard to face facts that someone that you consider a dear friend is a negative influence on your life. You have to decide whether or not the friendship is worth the effort, and that can be painful. There are ways to work on that friendship and turn it around; however, in the end, it is a two-way street and they have to want to improve the relationship.

Now it's time to ask the most important question of all: Which type of friend are you?

Do you react positively to compliments? Do you have negative things to say? If your friend vents to you about a problem, do you offer constructive solutions? Or do you speak negativity into their problems?

I want to be that positive friend. 

I want to be the friend that tells the person who is secretly feeling down about themselves how beautiful they really are. I want to be the friend that says "I'll help you accomplish this goal you have set" and follow through with it. I want to be the friend that, when someone is having a bad day, they want to reach out to me because they know that I will lift them up.

My prayer today is that I can overcome myself and be the friend that God intended.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." - Proverbs 27:17

"If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." - Ecclesiastes 4:9

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2

Mythbusting Baptisms

Mythbusting Series #1: Baptisms

"Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John ... As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a likve and alighting on Him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." Matthew 3:13-17

"Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."
Jesus answered him, "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise."  Luke 23:42-43

As some of my friends know, years ago I went through a "mythbusting" thing on Facebook, related to my pastor at the time (in his defense). I'm picking it up again, but this time, I'm going after myths about Christianity. I have a whole list of myths or misconceptions that I want to address. This week, I am knocking down the myths around baptisms and baptizing. 

Before you start reading, it's important to remember that this is not a personal attack on any one person or any one religion. You may see a belief you have either upheld or discounted. Try not to take it personally, and try to keep an open mind. I'm simply exploring God's Word and the Truth it reveals. Here we go!

There are questions surrounding the subject of baptism, and some of the most common ones are these:
- Do babies have to be baptized?
- Why baptize adults instead of babies?
- If you were baptized as a baby, can you be (or do you have to be) baptized as an adult?
- Do I have to be baptized?

There are very simple answers to these questions: No, Jesus, no, no.

I have been baptized--twice, actually. Once when I was a baby (water sprinkled on the head), and then again as an adult in 2009 (full immersion in a lake). History lesson: the Methodists baptize babies because it was the one of the few things they kept when separating from the Catholic church (either because of tradition or out of fear, I'm not sure which). Am I twice saved? Nope. Why is that?

This is the answer for that, and the first question above: Because babies and children, when they die, are Heaven-bound, whether they were baptized or not. Jesus loved children. Consider this:

"People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:15-17

Why would Jesus, the Son of God, the Savior of man, break it down as simply as that if children were not Heaven-bound? He wouldn't. He was speaking to adults. So, if you look at that verse and take it at face value, children enter the kingdom of Heaven--no water required.

Now we will answer the other three questions: Why baptize adults instead of babies; if you were baptized as a baby, do you have to do it again; and, do I have to be baptized?

We baptize adults for a few reasons: one, because Jesus was an adult when he was baptized; two, it is an outward sign of an inward commitment; three, it is symbolic of being washed of your sins and born anew. (This is not an inclusive list, just a few samplings.) In fact, the only mention of baptism in the bible is when adults are baptized--the specific one that I want to mention is Jesus's baptism. Here's the story for it, if you aren't familiar:
Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. But John tried to deter him, stating, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?" Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." Matthew 3:13-17

Jesus was baptized, and think about the comment he made to John right before: "It is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." What even does that mean? Jesus is already righteous. He's already pure, sin free, perfect, etc. So how does His getting baptized fulfill "all righteousness?" 

It's very simple, really--just as He took the punishment for our sin, just as He took our death on the cross, he takes our baptism for us. It's the only "by proxy" baptism recognized in the bible, and the only one that counts.

See, you don't actually have to be baptized. Baptism is an outward symbol of an internal commitment. It is symbolic of being washed clean of your sins and arising as a new person. Do you stay pure after your baptism? NOPE. The only person that did was Jesus. And what of all the people around the world that have been saved, without being baptized? In 2010, I was on a mission trip to Peru with my old church. We prayed with many people who accepted Christ as their savior and into their hearts and lives, and we didn't baptize any of them. Were they still saved, still righteous in God's eyes? Absolutely. 

However, you should be baptized. Why? Because you will be baptized in front of a group of people (your church) that will see your baptism and will come around you in love and support. They will keep you in check. They will help keep you on your path, they will lift you up, and the most interesting friendships can be formed. 

More importantly, you should be baptized for yourself, not for others. 

Being baptized is a powerful event, especially for those of us who feel that just saying the words that give salvation isn't enough. Have you ever struggled, as I have, with whether or not you are truly saved? Whether or not God heard you when you admitted you were a sinner, in need of a savior, and that you accepted Jesus as His Son and allowed Him into your heart? Whether or not the Spirit really lives in you, and whether you really will go to Heaven when you die? Getting baptized is an amazing way to solidify God's resounding "YES. You are saved. You are loved. You are mine."

And now, the touchy part: there is a sect out there that baptizes by proxy. There is a person (or people) that get(s) baptized multiple times in order to allow the unbaptized souls in purgatory to go to Heaven. This is absolutely, positively, without question, NOT a thing. Not only is purgatory not real (to be discussed in a separate blog post), only one person can be a proxy for our sins, for our righteousness, for our purity, and that person is Jesus Christ. No one can take His place and do that for us, because it's been done. Additionally, you have to receive Christ before you die. You can not be prayed or post-baptized into Heaven. Harsh? Yes. But you're given your whole life to see His glory and light and grace. That is your chance. So take it! Because He loves you and believes in you, even if you don't reciprocate.

Also--and don't miss this--to put the entire issue to bed, there is one rule for getting into heaven: "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6  No baptism. No good deeds. No following of the law. Nothing except His salvation gets you through those proverbial pearly gates.

So, to recap, two myths:
- You have to baptize babies or they will go to Hell/Purgatory: BUSTED
- You have to be baptized to be saved: BUSTED (although it's beneficial to you to do it!)


Accepting Christ is the only way to get into Heaven. You simply have to admit you're a sinner, that you need to let go of the perceived control you have over your life, that you need Him and His salvation, and invite him into your heart. And God wants nothing more than this, to see you redeemed. 

Dealing with telepathic problems

Dealing with Telepathic Problems

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, 

with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 

"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, 

leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." Matthew 10:P14

As a Christian, it can be as easy to resolve issues with other people by simply asking "What have I done to upset you?", finding out the answer, asking for Grace and forgiveness, and moving on. 

As a human being, it can be easy to say "You're mad, but I don't care, get over it", forget about it, and move on with your life.

But have you ever made someone mad and you don't know why--and they won't tell you?? It's frustrating, isn't it? I call these "Telepathic Problems", because clearly, we are all mind readers and can use that power to figure it out. 

It's easy to take the human being fork in the road in these cases, because it's easier and causes less anxiety when we just turn off that Compassion switch and turn on the "ignore" switch.

What about when you're a Christian and the person won't give you an answer? You have NO idea why they're upset/angry/peeved/etc with or at you, and when you try to find out why, they give you generic answers like "You should know", "Take a moment of reflection, you'll figure it out", "Why don't you just ask so-and-so"--things like that. Or, they just don't give you an answer at all. Again, it's like they expect you to telepathically glean from them what the problem is.

When is it okay to just write them off and be done with it?

Well, technically, you can't. You still have to love them. However, there's good news--you don't have to suffer for it. 

My example of this situation (and the inspiration for this blog entry) is a person from my work. They suddenly became cold towards me a few weeks ago, and I didn't know why. At first, I thought I was imagining it. Then, as time went on and I continued to speak to them and receive the cold shoulder, I realized that it wasn't in my head. I have asked several times either why they don't like me anymore or why they're mad at me, and I haven't gotten a straight answer. At first, I was asking in a light-hearted way, trying to alleviate the tension; however, the last couple of times and just this morning I asked again what I had done, more earnestly. The answer they gave me this morning was "Take a moment to reflect", and that's when it hit me like a brick wall: they weren't ever, ever going to tell me. 

And that is when my good intentions died of starvation and the anger flared up and the devil had a chance to get under my skin: "Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have left my powers of telepathy in my other pants. *I* need to take a moment to reflect? *I* have to try and figure this out? *I* have to sit here and think about over three weeks of interactions with you and try and pick out the one little thing that just might have possibly pissed you off?? Well screw that because I'm a grown-@$$ woman and I don't have time for your petty crap. Why don't YOU take a moment to reflect on the fact that the world doesn't revolve around you. Why don't YOU take a moment to reflect on the fact that I have just as busy of a work day and life as you do--maybe even more--and that I can't remember every little thing. Why don't YOU take a moment to reflect on the fact that just because something is important to you, doesn't mean that everybody else and their mother thinks the same way?!?"

*deep, deep breath*

So none of that actually came out of my mouth or was communicated to the person in any way. But, it did go through my head. We can try and control what we think as much as we want, but sometimes, that filter simply breaks down.

Even though that rant is unloving, non-Christ-like, and not even remotely Christian, there is some truth to it. Put in a nice way, I basically said that the person who is mad at me and won't tell me why should take their own advice and take a moment to reflect (removing the plank, if you will). I have a life outside of work, just like they do. Even if I didn't, I still have a lot of work that I do in a day, many people to whom I speak, and a lot of things that take precedence in my thoughts. If I'm continuing to ask why it is they're upset with me, and it's been over two weeks, I clearly don't know or remember what I did. Whatever it is I did or said to them is not in the front of my brain, or was so quick or insignificant to me that it doesn't even register on my radar. Taking a moment to "reflect" isn't going to suddenly give me an "Ah HA!" moment. 


There are, at a minimum, two ways to deal with this that fall within the Christ-like spectrum.
For work purposes, you have to decide whether or not this is going to affect your job. If the person is your supervisor or manager, you may have to get your mutual boss or HR involved if they are making it difficult for you to do your job. For family or other social purposes, you have to decide whether or not this is going to affect your living situation or your child/children's welfare (if you have any).

Option #1:
Ask the person not face-to-face what it is you have done. Maybe the reason that they haven't told you is because they're afraid it'll start an argument or cause more issues. Send them an email or text and ask, "What have I done to offend you?" Explain that you've asked a couple times and haven't gotten an answer, and that you are using this medium to try and alleviate any uncomfortable or upset feelings. 

Do: Tell them that you want things to be okay between you. Tell them that you can see that they're hurt and want a chance to apologize.
Don't: Don't tell them that their refusal and hold out is just causing more issues. Don't call them childish, juvenile, or anything else disrespectful. 

If and when they tell you what the problem is, simply apologize. Don't try and defend yourself, and keep it short. A good template: "I'm very sorry that (what I did/what I said) (hurt/offended/upset) you. That was never my intention. I hope you can forgive me." 
What if the thing that you did was something that you had to do? For example, what if my coworker is upset with me because an analytic report I ran for the department caused them to get written up or otherwise disciplined? What if your coworker is mad at you because you told your boss that they were breaking some sort of departmental or company rule? That may even be the reason that they are avoiding answering the "what did I do to upset you" question. None of us should have to apologize for doing our jobs or maintaining honesty in the workplace. In these types of cases, just say "I'm sorry you're upset, and I hope you can forgive me" and leave it at that.

Things not to include in your response: "I'm sorry that you feel that way." "That's not so bad, I wish you would've told me sooner." "Is that it??"

Remember, you're trying to alleviate the problem--it's not about being right or wrong, it's about the fact that something you did or said, intentionally or not, bothered them, and you have to respect that. Don't demean them or belittle their feelings. 


Option #2: (also to be used if Option #1 fails)

Stop asking or trying to find out what the issue is and just drop it all together. At the most, continue to speak to the person as you normally would. At the least, be civil--say good morning, ask them if they want to order lunch if you're planning a group order, say good night or have a good weekend when you or they are leaving, smile and say hi when you pass in the hallway, things that like. Just be a decent co-worker, don't single them out for negative things, and treat them the way you would as if they weren't upset with you.

Some people reading this: Wait WHAAAAAAAT?!? Isn't ignoring the problem non-Christ-like? Would JESUS ignore this coworker?!? HOW DARE YOU, LEANNE?!?!

Okay, slow your roll. Part of the reason that this is a good, Christ-like option is because you are emulating Christ by treating the person decently, regardless of how they treat you. The other person is not going to be able to ignore that. One of two things will happen: one, they will approach you and talk about what happened; two, they will forget about it and start responding back to you in a positive way.

That isn't, however, always the case. Believe it or not, there are some people in the world that you simply are not going to be able to please. Sometimes, Option #2 is the best option because the person treating you coldly simply doesn't care about getting an apology from you. They are simply choosing to treat you the way they are, for whatever reason--drama, self-satisfaction, whatever. Or, like I mentioned in Option #1, the reason they won't tell you is because they got in trouble, either directly or indirectly, because of you. 

Chasing after someone and begging for an answer is not humility, it is not servitude, and it is not Christ-like. I have made my peace with the situation involving my coworker--I have made it clear I don't know what I have done, they have made it clear that they do not plan on telling me, so I am going to continue to treat them kindly. In the end, it's not about who is right or wrong, it's about showing God's love through my own actions.

Respect thyself

Thoughts about Life

"Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?" 1 Corinthians 3:16 
"Strength and dignity are her clothes, and she smiles at the future." Proverbs 31:25

One of the biggest problems with society today is that privates are no longer private. Apparently, they are to be celebrated and flaunted about--but it's only acceptable if it's provocative or "funny". I saw a video in my news feed two days ago with a man dancing around with his penis tucked between his legs, and Facebook ruled that it didn't violate its guidelines; yet people flag breastfeeding pictures for nudity like it's going out of style--and Facebook removes them. I saw someone share a picture of the Kardashian photo that "broke the internet", but a friend's newborn's pictures were removed because they were "inappropriate". A naked newborn whose sex couldn't even be identified because of the flailing legs and arms? THAT is inappropriate, but Kim Kardashian's large and bare rear end IS appropriate? And it's okay to have tweenagers, teenagers, and young adult females posting pictures with their breasts practically hanging out of their shirts, but it's considered "outdated" to not sleep around? 

America, where is your respect? Where is your dignity? When did it become okay for young girls to sexually portray themselves in public and on social media? You claim that pictures of half-naked children running through the sprinkler in the summer invites the attention of pedophiles--but your thirteen year-old daughter posting dolled-up duckface selfies on Twitter and Instagram invites sexual predators. You gasp because there's a woman breastfeeding in a public park, but your fifteen-year old son is sexting girls. Put your collective privates back in your pants and under your shirts. You don't have to dress like nuns and monks, but dress modestly and save the sexuality for your spouse. If you're not married, save your treasure (yes, I just referred to women's vaginas and men's penises as "treasures") for your future spouse. 

America, where is your respect? Where is your dignity? When did it become okay for young girls to sexually portray themselves in public and on social media? You claim that pictures of half-naked children running through the sprinkler in the summer invites the attention of pedophiles--but your thirteen year-old daughter posting dolled-up duckface selfies on Twitter and Instagram invites sexual predators. You gasp because there's a woman breastfeeding in a public park, but your fifteen-year old son is sexting girls. Put your collective privates back in your pants and under your shirts. You don't have to dress like nuns and monks, but dress modestly and save the sexuality for your spouse. If you're not married, save your treasure (yes, I just referred to women's vaginas and men's penises as "treasures") for your future spouse. 

Respect yourself; love yourself; save the most intimate thing God gave you and share it with that one person with whom you wish you spend the rest of your life. If you order a steak at a restaurant, do you want one made just for you, or do you want five or six other people to take a bite out of it first?

It is grievous that young women feel the pressure to be provocative in order to be loved and accepted; it is a travesty that young men feel the pressure to sleep with girls in order to be "a man". Families should spend more time together bonding, talking, and setting examples for each other.

Now, lest I be accused of preaching from a pedestal, I will freely admit that I teach from experience. I was raised to believe in waiting, and I did--all the way up until college. In my first two years, I held on to what I believed; however, in my third year, I suffered from depression. Because of this, my grades, my self-image, and my confidence fell. I ignored what I had been taught and gave in to the pressure of what I thought I had to do to be loved and accepted--and it failed. And it kept failing. I kept trying, and it kept failing. Years passed, and I got married. After I was pregnant with my son, I split from my husband for the last time. I tried relationships after that, but they all seemed to be lacking--so I decided to have a pure relationship. Fortunately, the person I was with decided that wasn't their cup of tea, and we split. Yes, I said fortunately--I am way beyond blessed that relationship did not last. Unfortunately, waiting did not seem to be on anyone else's list. However, God prevailed and sent me the man with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life, and we are waiting. It can difficult; however, because we have chosen to have an emotional relationship instead of a physical one, we are most satisfied.

That is a very short summary of a lot of life experience, and although I hold no regrets--I would not be where I am without the struggles I have endured--I do not wish that life on anyone. Because I let my hormones choose for me instead of my heart, I married a man who couldn't be faithful. I dated men who were unfaithful. I degraded, disrespected, and dishonored myself and God because I fell into the sexuality trap that America has become.

So learn from me, learn from my experience without going through it yourself. Put your clothes back on, America, and respect yourself and others. Stop seeing breasts as sexual organs; stop letting your children believe they have to show their bodies off to be loved; stop letting your friends degrade themselves with flaunting their bodies.

Shaking the dust

Thoughts about Life

"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." 
Matthew 10:14

The other day, I did something that I am loathe to do, something that breaks my heart: I cut someone who is in a bad place out of my life. "Oh-em-GOSH, Leanne, how could you DO that!? Someone that's in a dark, desolate place has now been abandoned by you!?" 

Yes, they have, and it breaks my heart – but there's a problem. The problem isn't that I'm selfish or that I don't care or that I "just don't feel like putting up with their crap" anymore; it's that I can't stand by and watch them be so self-destructive, all the while accusing everyone around them of not being supportive and throwing down their logical reasons "proving" this neglect.

The problem with their logic is this: almost everyone around them is being supportive. Those people may not word it in the kindest way (in their defense, however, when a person continues to make the same – sometimes stupid – mistakes over and over and over and over and over, eventually people get fed up and stop sugar-coating the truth). And it's not that they don't see everyone supports them. It's that they don't want to hear that support. They only want support when it's in complete agreement with what they think and feel. If someone tells them – even in the most loving way – that the choice that they're making is not a good one, they automatically lash out. They overreact to everything that's said. They accuse that person of not being supportive, they accuse them of belittling and shaming them, and they refuse to listen.  They aren't asking themselves "Is this a story that I want to tell?" They want their friends and family to sympathize with their troubles, but to tell them that the path that they are on is the right one. 

Do you know who else is like that?

Children.

In particular, high-school children. You remember how it was – when you were a teenager and in high school, your parents were stupid. They couldn't possibly know anything about your life and how life works. They were nosy. They interfered. They set rules that were dumb. They didn't understand your life. The list goes on.

Except, they weren't really stupid, were they? They wanted to keep you from the mistakes that they made, or that they saw you about to make. As an adult, you don't have to have had made the same mistake yourself when you were younger; you're perfectly capable of seeing a pattern of behavior leading someone to a very bad decision. 

The problem with my friend is that they mistakenly thought their situation was unique. They did not understand that they are unique, but their situation is not. If you were to put them on a stage in front of a group of 100 randomly selected people and had them tell their basic story of their situation, I guarantee that a lot of hands – over half of them – would be raised when they were asked the question "Has anyone else in this room ever gone through this situation?" The details may vary; however, the circumstances, reactions, and situation wall be the same. 

Immaturity is not a mood, it is a stage of life – a stage out of which, unfortunately, some people never grow. 

My friend is a not a victim. They didn't have horrible parents or have a horrible childhood. They simply got lost, and when they were given directions, they didn't listen. I still love them dearly, with all my heart; but you can only give someone redirection so many times and have it ignored or disregarded as many times before you realize that this is the type of person that will not listen. They will not listen to experience, they prefer to create their own experience because they think their way is the right way.

The three main things to take away from this are:
1) Wisdom does not come from experience. Wisdom comes from learning how to prevent yourself from making the same mistake. There are a lot of people who continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over – they have the experience but not the wisdom, because they didn't learn.

2) You can gain wisdom from listening to the advice of the wise. A wise person is someone who has either gone through the same/a similar experience – OR – they haven't, they just see you heading towards the same mistake. You don't have to actually experience anything in order to learn. You can learn from other people's mistakes.

3) Everyone else knows better than you do. You do not. That may sound cruel, but consider this: when was the last time you were in an emotionally-charged situation and you were able to make a clear-headed decision? You weren't – not if the situation directly affected you. You can't see clearly like other people can. Other people see the patterns, other people see the behaviors, and we can sell ourselves on almost any bad idea EVER. 

Wrapping it up: if someone tells you that you're making bad decisions, maybe you should listen to that person, maybe not. However, if a lot of persons are telling you that you're making a bad decision and trying to show you how/why, then you absolutely should listen and take heed.

And if you are one of the people trying to help someone who continually makes bad choices over and over again and it breaks your heart to watch them suffer, then it is okay to let go. If you are not in a position to really help them – you're not a parent that can move them in with you to get them away from an abusive relationship; you're not a husband who can put his wife in rehab; you're not a wife that can take her husband to AA; if you're not a sibling that can go to immediate family for assistance – and there's nothing you can do, it's time to let go. The best way to look at it is this: if you are not directly responsible for that person because they are not your child, parent, or sibling, then it's okay. If you have done everything within reason to help and they won't change the destructive path they have chosen, it's okay to let go. Don't sell yourself on a bad idea – if they depend on you because you let them, you can stop. Whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, you have to understand that person is not your responsibility and that eventually, they will drag you down too. 

Love them, but let them go. 

Negativity and Bad Days

Thoughts about Life

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

      Why do we say things like "I am having such a bad day"? Why do we say things like "today is going to be a bad day"? You are not, and it won't be. When we set the attitude that we have for the day that we have had so far, we have nobody to blame but ourselves for our mood.

When we set the tone for own day, we have nobody to blame but ourselves when we have exactly the day that we expect! 

Who'd've thunk?

      The only reason that something is negative because it doesn't happen the way that we wanted to. Negativity is in the eye of the beholder. 

     You may think that was the most obvious and non-profound statement ever, but it needed to be said. Events are just things. Circumstances are just things. They have no emotion, no feeling. When it thunderstorms, some people sit on their porches to watch it rage. Others hide out in their houses and cringe at the thunder and worry about the lightning. The thunderstorm is just a thing--it's a person's reaction to it that cause it to be "bad" or "good". 

     When we get a flat tire on the way to work, we are upset because we did not want that to happen; it was not in our plan. If we oversleep and end up being late for work, we are upset because it was not in our plan. But maybe we have an understanding boss who sees that we are normally late, and no one is upset. Some people might even say that leaving so late for work prevented you from having a fatal accident. I don't necessarily subscribe to that line of thinking--although there have been times where, if I had to been just a moment sooner were a moment later, my day would have taken a much different turn. When we can directly see a bad situation avoided like that, then we can be grateful for it. 

     The thing is, if we don't see it--if we don't see that being late for work made us miss being behind the truck that dumped its load on the highway, if we don't see that getting stuck in traffic kept us from crossing an intersection where someone ran a red light--we don't necessarily have to sit around thinking about it, either. It's hard for people to be grateful for blessings that they don't see, like an accident they never had, a trip over debris on the sidewalk and a face plant that never happened, and so on. 

     Even so, there is always a way to not look so negatively of the negative experiences that we have. If we get a flat tire, we can be grateful that we have the skills to change it, or that a kind stranger stopped to help us. If we get rear-ended or have some other type of car accident, we can be grateful that were walking around and complaining about it, instead of being on life-support in shock trauma. If we are super busy at work, we can be grateful that we have the skill set in order to handle the work that is coming in, or that we have the team that can get the work done together. 

     Now, I understand that there are some days when the negative thing on negative thing on negative thing on negative thing happens. It is just the way that life works. You get up late for work, the kids are slow in getting ready, the hot water runs out by the time you get to your shower, your car doesn't want to start when you go to leave for work, the dog gets out and you have to chase him down and get him back in the house before you can go, traffic was jammed up and somebody cut you off, and then somebody else did too, you're a few minutes late to work and your boss comes down on you like an iron hammer, you have a workload on your desk but it would take you on three full days with no breaks to complete, no one on your team wants to help you out – I understand that we all have days like that at some point. 

But wouldn't it be better to say "look at all the bad things that happened today, and I responded to each one of them with grace and/or compassion"?

Don't let your negative day, or just a few negative things, define who you are and your outlook on the day, the week, the month, and life in general. 

Misconceptions

Daily thoughts about God

 

Three common misconceptions about Christianity are that:

1) You are in charge of the strength of your faith

2) God brings you to bad things and then through them 

3) Being a Christian means no more hard times 

1) You are not in charge of how strong your faith is. In all the places of the bible where faith is mentioned, it's where God is giving it to someone. Not someone saying "I need to have stronger faith". You don't need to have stronger faith, because God has given you all you need. You just need to trust it more; trust God that He will keep the promise from Jeremiah 29:11 – "'For I have great plans for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future.'"

2) God doesn't cause bad things to happen to you. He allows things to happen; He prevents things from happening. When someone you love dies, it's not about you. It's about Him calling them Home. I believe God knows everyone's time, therefore no one goes before they should. The way they go depends on the World. When someone loses an unborn child, it's not a punishment for that person. When someone is diagnosed with cancer or any other disease, or has a life-impairing accident, it is not wrath being rained down. God cursed the earth because of Adam and Eve; this is why we have natural disasters, hurricanes, tornadoes, why we have to work the ground hard to get food. Because the earth is cursed, bad things happen. God gives you the faith to get through it, and from that faith comes the strength and hope of a Christian. 

3) As a Christian, you are going to have the same amount of hard times as other people. You will lose loved ones. You will get sick. Things, and life, will happen. The difference is that we have Hope. We have the not-secret knowledge that something better lies beyond this world, and we are here not for ourselves, but to glorify God. I would rather live with the knowledge that bad things will happen and have the hope and faith in the Truth of God and know I'll get through it; than live in the lie that He doesn't care or isn't there.